Im A Little Confused?

Need some guidance as to my sexual orientation. I’m just going to lay it all out on the table so trolls continue trolling. I’ve been sort of questioning my sexuality a lot since I broke up with my last girlfriend. She acted like she never felt anything but we got to heavy petting within the first week. I’m not all that socially adept, so I rely on my looks a little but try to avoid that. Basically I have a really hard time talking to girls because I feel that they are EXTREMELEY standoffish towards me so it really tough. The other issue is that all the guys around me annoy me to the point of wanting to either fight them or give up so I usually tell them off. This makes the girl uneasy and dislike me more than she did in the first place. I will try to make a joke but they usually either don’t get it or don’t think its funny. This occurs ALL the time and I’ve tried really hard to try and get them to like me even so far as warping my personality beyond belief. It makes me angry then sad then angry again. I do have a lot of social anxiety so it is an uphill struggle. I was wondering lately if it could be because I’m not actually into girls but just sort of expect them to like me. Btw it has been especially hard to put any emotion into a girl (let alone anything) since my last breakup. I find no enjoyment out of talking to girls but I still try anyway. I’m not the biggest fan of gays but I did use shemale porn for awhile as sort of an escape. I’m actually really sensitive but I know I can’t show that. I found myself contemplating suicide over the summer where I hit unbelievable lows and almost flipped my car going a hundred and didn’t care if I died. With this came envy, hugely low self esteem, doubt, anger, depression. I’ve always been an outsider but this is really too much. Everyday is a struggle and I’ve come to think of myself as a daily martyr. But is it worth the pain? What if I am actually gay but just don’t know it? Are these gay feelings the result or cause?