I’m 17 year old male in my final yr of high school going onto. I’ve been so depressed. Sure I act nice, and a complete angel to my friends and family and my mother (who has no idea what I’m going through since I’ve been hiding this). I know I’ve had depression for 3+ years. All the signs are there, and so. I always feel helpless and lost.
I KNOW admitting is the “first step” but I always stop right here. I’m just not comfortable with sharing my thoughts, emotions, and feelings. What I write in my journal is basically how I feel but I would never show that to a therapist or anyone else. They’ll immediately overdose me with medication pills or send me to a mental insituation which I don’t want.
Everything I seem to do is wrong. I fail all types of sports. I fail at bringing joy to myself, my friends, my family, and my mother. I’m not worthy of this place. Everything I have I wish I can just give all of my clothes, my toys, my video games, my entire life to another person who desperately out there needs food, clothes, and family. I’m not fit for this place. I’m weak. I see all those people out there and I know I’m selfish and self centered. I would love to give everything that I have to those poor people and leave myself out in the cold and lie down to die for eternity. I’m not deserving of anything.
No love, no ambitions, no happiness….just sadness, anger…
I don’t want help. I don’t understand why I don’t as I know this is extremely dangerous and I’ve been suicidal for the past 3 years. But I just never want to express my emotions, and feelings. I don’t want help from anyone. I just don’t. I never opened up and never will. It’s the type of person who I am. I really do hope this is a phase going by but I don’t think so. I’m going to college next year and I’m so lost. I have terrible grades (D’s and F’s), I fail a lot of classes, school just is so uninterested anymore.I just sleep, and I’m lazy.
I’m so lost. I don’t even have a job or a car yet.
I’m so pathetic it’s embarassing. This takes the take on the biggest patheticness of all time:
Me falling in love with a girl online the last 2 years. What was I thinking? I knew that wasn’t going to work out. Sure enough the long distance failed miserably. I really did fall in love with her. We texted, we webcammed, we talked on the phone every single day. It made me feel I was right next to her. I even met her and the meeting was awkward at first but went well later on the night.
She has a boyfriend though so truly there is really no point in me trying to go for her again or even talk to her seeing how girls at this age believe her boyfriend’s the most important thing in her life.
Especially since she hasn’t spoken to me in weeks. She’s past on and I’ll never move from it. I stay in the past forever. I continue to think about good thoughts that’ll never happen in my fantasy world.
I’ve never experienced irl love in my entire life. Never had a reality girlfriend. Just online. Doesn’t count. I’m a failure, low self esteem that will never change, get teased by my friends all the time. No one and nobody ever takes me serious.
I’m just nothing….
I almost forgot. I’m a patheological liar. I lie to my cousin about getting girls as he looks up to me since we were young so I make up all these stories how I lost my virginty and tips in getting girls. I lie to everyone about everything. I manipulate others and….it’s just….
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- I’ve Been Hiding My Depression Since I Was 14, I’m A 17 Year Old Male But This Is Even Worse Than I Thought…?
I’ve Been Hiding My Depression Since I Was 14, I’m A 17 Year Old Male But This Is Even Worse Than I Thought…?
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Just the fact that you are here talking about it means you want help. You want to feel happy… who wouldn’t.
High school sucks! If you get through with D’s then do it and feel good that you graduated from that hell hole! I hated school too and you will feel so much better when you have a diploma. You are so young and this feeling will pass. Graduate and get out of there. Close that chapter in life and begin a new one!
There is nothing wrong with you. You have depression. It’s an illness that can be cured with meds for depression. You DO NOT have to be “heavily medicated”. I am taking Celexa and it is a mild med for depression that got me out of my low feelings.
Please talk to a doctor and at least try a med. Like I said before you are so young and this feeling WIll pass.
If you’re looking for sympathy, you can find it between **** and syphilis in the dictionary.
talking to people about your problems always helps
Oh wow dude, you’re a pathological liar? How do we know if you’re telling the truth right now? Maybe you’re trolling!?
Either way, let’s just say I’m the female version of you, well, which was like 2 years ago, seek help, who cares if they stick you into a mental hospital, it’s obviously what you need right now. Do it, even if you don’t want to, it may even be embarrasing, but coming here isn’t going to get you no where, or just show someone your journal, and stay in your room until they’re done. That way you don’t have to talk about it.
You’re 17, in high school, well, high school sucks! It’s hard getting friends during those times. Wait till college, you’ll gave a greater chance. A lot of people are new and scared in college, so it’ll be easy as 1 2 3.
Send me a message if you have anymore questions.
cakelover4lyfe@yahoo.com
^ lol
Awwwwww,
you know what if im honest with you, for one to admit that has great courage, so mate you are definetly something,
your parents are proud of you im sure they are, you shouldn’t feel so low, you should maybe go out more?
What about researching about different parts of the world,? it can be very intresting…
Different Religions…?
To take your mind of things..
Its a great escape..
which can open many doors.
and no i am not a PREACHER lool
I wish you the veryy besttttt
Stay Smilingg
Awww
*Huggs you*
Please don’t try to kill your self yourself!! I’m AWAYS here to talk
daisy.mcrfreak@yahoo.com
I think you should print out what you write out and show it to your parents, if you can’t talk to them about it? Then they will TRULY understand and help you out.. (I know you don’t want help but.) Or the easy way is to talk to them about it. Plus your not pathetic, everyone is special you must have a talent or something (don’t tell me you don’t!) I think the reason is that you don’t believe in yourself. Try harder in school try harder at everything you do. Make people notice and they will praise for you, you will somehow feel good about yourself. Trust me your problem is not a problem that will be stuck with you forever. It will somehow go away if you TRY. T.R.Y.
JUST DO IT! BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
bye xx